As charming as they are, sometimes our folks just don't get it. Maybe if received a nickel every time our parents asked these 7 questions, we could be getting the salaries they expect from us.
The Questions Your Parents Ask Relentlessly
When will you learn to hold down a job?
[Insert demonic eye roll here] Look it up on the internet mom, even “the Google” will tell you I’m making a solid career choice.
According to Future Workplace “Multiple Generations @ Work” survey, ninety-one percent of Millennials (those born between 1980-2000) expect to stay at their job for less than three years. This means that between now and the time you’re 50, your parents will have statistically been on your case at least an infinite amount of times. Who can blame them? Your Baby Boomer folks prioritized stability for good reason. Vietnam, the PC, the Berlin Wall- t’was a different time. With technology changing the way industries value talent, we’re just concerned with sifting through the mess of unheard of careers to find our dream jobs. #YOLO
What do mean you were playing pool at work?!
Dearest repressed parents, I’m sorry that hiding behind carpeted walls squinting at Yahoo Health articles is no longer the workplace norm. At my job, I kick a$$ at foosball at least twice a day.
The cubicle days are over. Who wants a nine-to-five blur of four square walls and rectangle spreadsheets until we turn 65? Open space for communicating, couches, organic snacks and beer are something that makes us look forward to the workplace. Coincidentally, it makes us more useful. Why? Happy employees usually make more productive employees. It’s that simple. Moving around and bouncing ideas off coworkers in a hip environment (while lounging in a sweatshirt) sounds a lot more appealing to us than the suit and tie alternative. Sites like FirstJob and SimplyHired make it easy to find the gym shoes and brews kind of job.
Why aren’t you making any money?
Mom, it’s a startup- they don’t have any money yet either.
Patience. In the interim we’ll be eating their snacks and free lunches. Anyways, we’re just working at earning max happiness levels while growing our talents and responsibilities in ways we could only dream of in a bigger company. Studies show that your smiles plateau when your salary reaches $75,000. So scientifically it’s only downhill from there!
But for real, I promise I’m working on making BANK.
You Should've Gone to Law School
I'm thrilled with my humanities/film studies/art history major thank you very much.
What you study in college and what you end up doing in the workforce are becoming less and less correlated (unless you want to be my doctor, in which case, stay in school). Plus, things are looking pretty brutal for law school grads. Dimming job prospects leave students with a 50/50 chance of landing a job as a lawyer within nine months of graduating. This might have something to do with the rapid decline of first year law school students.
What are you doing home? You got fired didn’t you!? Are you lying to me?
Working from home is a real thing now, padre. I’m getting more done in three hours and a pair of PJ’s than most nine-to-five suits are.
Let’s take a look at the negative side of a flexible work schedule: no way to communicate with your coworkers . Oh wait, it’s not the Stone Age! Bless tech for providing us with every tool we need to accomplish everything from home just as well (honestly, probably better) as we could from the office. Reducing commuting costs and time (AKA stress and pains in the ass) and allowing employees to get work done in their most productive and freshest hours is the way of the future. Do you think Martha Stewart has a YouTube video on “GChat for Moms?”.
When are you going to get a real job?
[Sighs] Just because you don’t understand what my job consists of doesn’t mean it’s not real.
Like trying out apps? There’s a job for that. Feel free to inform the folks that it pays an average salary of $61,935 in the US. Are videogames your jam? You can test them all day long- and get paid an average of $22,000. There are tons of job titles created every year that have never before existed. No wonder your parents have a hard time relating to your work experience- half of the time we can’t comprehend our closest friends do for a living. Despite the conditions of the career market, you still have to wonder… how many more times are they going to ask me this question?
When are you going to move out?
Solid inquiry Pop, let's touch base on that later.
Ariel Lozovsky is a Marketing Intern at FirstJob who currently attends the University of Colorado at Boulder, studying Economics and Philosophy. When she's not reading, she loves petting dogs and playing tennis.